(#21) Pay careful attention...

“Pay careful attention to your inner life.”  I remember hearing that in one of my earliest classes at Bethel College. And I’ve heard it said similarly and often by several of the pastors under whom I served. I’m so thankful for their wisdom and the ways they stretched me with hard questions about my motivations, emotions, temptations and desires. It’s in that inner life (the scripture calls it the soul) that the Holy Spirit comforts, inspires and calls us. But also the inner life is where we experience spiritual attack, identity confusion and dysfunction.

Question: Have I always done well at that self-awareness and inner life? Sadly, no. Whenever I was not paying attention, I made major mistakes that usually required painful retracing of hard missteps. But I’m trying these days, to pay careful attention to my inner life.

So paying attention, I was surprised the other morning, when I found myself stuck on a song – one of those “ear worms.” I woke up with it. And strangely for me, it was a song I really didn’t particularly like: A Christian Praise song – more of a contemporary hymn. Why didn’t I care for it? Likely because the first time I heard it was at a retreat where the worship leaders were still trying to learn it and couldn’t lead well. Or, perhaps because I have “a thing” about contemporary worship that uses ancient language. (Good grief! If you’re going the extra mile to write songs for contemporaries, use the language they actually speak.) Or it could be just that I’m just a music snob.

Yet it was a song that I now think the Holy Spirit was driving into my consciousness and with it, to minister to my soul. The Spirit cares nothing for my snobbery – music or otherwise. He insists on doing His work and breaking through with what I need. Like it or not

Maybe you know the song. I’ve changed my snobbish mind about it.

When I fear my faith will fail
Christ will hold me fast
When the tempter would prevail
He will hold me fast

I could never keep my hold
Through life's fearful path
For my love is often cold
He must hold me fast

Those He saves are His delight
Christ will hold me fast
Precious in His holy sight
He will hold me fast

He'll not let my soul be lost
His promises shall last
Bought by Him at such a cost
He will hold me fast

For my life He bled and died
Christ will hold me fast
Justice has been satisfied
He will hold me fast

Raised with Him to endless life
He will hold me fast
'Til our faith is turned to sight
When He comes at last!

He will hold me fast
He will hold me fast
For my Savior loves me so
He will hold me fast  -  Keith & Kristyn Getty

I needed to be reminded of this wonderful, amazing, comforting truth. My salvation is not something I keep in protective hold. Nor need I fear that it might be lost. God holds my eternal destiny in His gracious, strong hands. I could not earn salvation/redemption/eternal life. He graciously gave it through the work of the cross. I’ve only received what He is giving. And He holds on to me, even in those times when I’m too weak or fearful or distracted to hold on to Him.  My security depends on Him not on me. Jesus promised me eternal life – and it really is eternal - not temporary. And I’m comfortable knowing that God always keeps his promises.

A busy morning in Infusion Therapy in earlier Spring. 
These wonderful ladies are absolutely amazing.

Where are we at in the Cancer Journey?  I’m so grateful for excellent medical care and for the work of God He's doing with my health. My Oncologist and I both believe that God is taking us beyond what the medicine can promise. I’ve now had seven successive scans (this last one was the more definitive PET) with no discernable cancer. I’m still receiving a maintenance dose of chemo every 3rd week. My original 6 medications are now only 2.  And I wonder how long that will be.

Thanks for your prayers.  Please keep it up.

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