(#1)The New Adventure

AND SO A NEW ADVENTURE BEGINS....

    I've enjoyed and grown from blogging my missions and study trips, and I hope to occasionally write about my newer, more difficult journey. I discovered that there are lots of my friends who want to keep up with my cancer treatment, but I can't remember whom I've told what. So let's just start at the beginning and if you know the basic back-story, you might just want to skip down to the ***.

   

I've been serving as Interim Senior Pastor at Lakewood Evangelical Free Church in Baxter MN.  We have come to deeply love this congregation during the past 8 months. I work for Interim Pastor Ministries and so enjoy my work. Intentional Interms lead churches to become healthier, more effective congregations during the search for the next shepherd.  We've known that each church has been a calling from God and the work fits my gifts, passions and calling so well. Each of my interims has been about 18 months, but after less than half that time, I've needed to resign (May 31)to deal with my health struggles. 

    In early April I was hospitalized overnight as a result of low hemoglobin and required several infusions of iron to get back to healthy circulation. An endoscope, looking for an ulcer, revealed instead a walnut sized tumor right below the junction of esophagus and stomach. PET scans and further tests suggest that there it has not metastasized but it will still require aggressive treatment - radiation, chemo followed by surgery. Our home in Owatonna is the only 38 miles from state-of-the-art care at Mayo-Rochester. While the decision to return to our home was obvious, it ripped me away from work I really wanted to finish. I know God is absolutely faithful and He has a good plan for us and Lakewood church, but at this moment it's significantly disappointing and confusing.

   Both of our daughters are here with us in Owatonna to help with transportation and the adjustment.  (Jen from California, Kim from St. Paul).  There is great blessing to be living together as family for a brief while again and they are such a support for Harriet as they just help-out.  

*** As of Friday, 6/12

    So where are we?  The first week at Mayo was spent testing for a detailed diagnosis and treatment plan. They've classified this a stage 3, locally advanced adenocarcinoma. I've now had my first of 5 rounds of weekly chemotherapy and 5 rounds of 25 radiation treatments. Insurance denied coverage for Proton Therapy, the most effective and safest treat-ment. So they began treatment with Photon Therapy while appealing the insurance decision. Proton is more targeted and will do less damage to surrounding tissues. My team has been daily on the phone with insurer, awaiting the insurance decision. Perhaps more about that later.

  

Update Monday Night, 6/15

     This morning was an early blood draw and while catching my coffee, I got a call from Insurance which had approved the appeal.  Staff had submitted a Medical Necessity Appeal on Friday - concerned about Photon radiation into heart, lungs, liver etc.  Previous appeals were denied. Staff explained to me that Photon aims wide, like a shotgun and Proton is like a rifle where it aims radiation. 

     So I'm praising God for that tonight. Jen and Kim each plan to drive and accompany me 2 days a week - leaving Harriet to pound-the-payment for only one.  It's super to have the weekends off.  

    There was significant spiritual struggle this weekend. Don't know for sure why. No "Why Me?" questions... I process more like my dad... "Why NOT Me?" But somehow I slipped into a bit of self-pity. I really felt disconnected God -just kind of spiritually lonely and disengaged. Maybe it was about having no sermon to preach and no church family to connect with; knowing I've become one of those vulnerable persons in this pandemic stuff. I'm not used to any of that. And I'm not used to needing to be on the receiving end of the help continuum. So there's more going on inside me than I'm aware of, and sometimes it just jumps up and bites me. 

    Praying my way through Psalm 34 again tonight. 

    Tonight I know this one important thing. I want to take the opportunity in this reality to draw closer and tighter to God. All my life, He's been my faithful guide and friend. I know He'll be completely faithful and that He'll always be good - even when life is hard.  But you can pray for me that I will tolerate therapy well toward full healing within the next months - also for the sweet women in my life to have the strength to endure my new journey,  BUT MORE That I would genuinely draw up close to the ONE who loves me just as I am - but too much to leave me this way.