(#4) Into 5th week of treatment Yesterday


Monday started the last week of my treatment, with one added on next Monday cause of the holiday.

I love this sculpture in waiting area
I've hit the point in my treatment (they warned me) where it's grown uncomfortable/painful and hard. This is my last week of treatment. This and the week following promised to be the worst of treatment. True - so far. The bigger personal concern right now is that I know that the esophagectomy is ahead and recovery from that is going to be harder. Any fear, is really about that long recovery. Friends tell me about relatives who have done very well following that surgery, but the anticipation is difficult knowing that recovery will be long.
   
Plummer House
Rochester has always been the place we've enjoyed eating out. Hollandberry-Pannekoeken is there, now close to the clinic, and there is a Mediterranean fast food place my daughter Kim really enjoys.  Last week we checked out a Pakistani restaurant. But presently, eating is painful and slow, stealing  away one of life's little pleasures. Kim and I had a wonderful walk at the Plummer house the other evening. It was gorgeous. I do try to get out to ride my bicycle. Energy is really hard to come by. Early in treatment I could do easily 15 miles. On Saturday I was out, but had energy for only 4 miles. I am really looking forward to that period after treatment that they tell me is all about rebuilding strength and energy.

I'm confident in God's love, even regardless of my performance or failings. I know He is absolutely and completely good, even in these days when life is not so good. I trust that He'll provide all I need and that His providence for me will be eternal. So I guess that means, I believe beyond what I am currently experiencing. Every believer has times like these and this is one of mine. I want to draw close to God in these moments and learn better how to live His life. There are regular, deep experiences of His kindness and care. Those things right now are a bit detached from where I've known to find them. And its a bit disorienting, but Jesus is my Leader. I'll follow Him, even when it's confusing. 

The holiday weekend I did a few small projects around the house. I've sorted through all the old tech equipment that's hung around while we became a wireless world. I've moved a bunch of sermon and ministry files from banker boxes into used file cabinets I bought last Summer. We need to decide today on materials to rebuild our wobbly deck. But after an introspective conversation with Kim, yesterday, I realize I'm bored and need to re-engage productive pleasures. It's time for a very intentional change of attitude. So I downloaded and began reading Keller, Walking With God Through Pain and Suffering. And I'm going back to read stuff Jack Higgins has written in the 20 years since I had time to enjoy fiction and intrigue. And I've started setting up to finish scanning years of family and ministry photos for that time before and after surgery. 

Friends and family have been so patient and helpful and I as I reflect, I remember that their love is 
a concrete extension of God's grace to my life. Self-sufficiency, I know, is an idol that vaunts itself up against the Only-true-God. He wants it to "tumble down" in me. That's good - but that's hard.

Honestly it has been good for me this morning to have a chance to lay this down in print. There are lots of moments these days, to reflect and remind and refresh in Jesus.
 
Please keep praying for me that I use this hard time productively and learn to live restfully. Thanks in advance.

Comments

  1. AlisaJuly 7, 2020 at 3:28 PM

    Sure miss you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Carol DobsonJuly 7, 2020 at 5:49 PM

    Steve,

    Thanks so much for you honest thoughts about your current life challenges. Keep laying down what's not helpful so you can just be and held by our Comforter and Healer. You are in my prayers regularly.

    Love to you and your dear family,
    Carol

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownJuly 7, 2020 at 8:16 PM

    When Rod had his stroke, I'd get down on my knees to pray and feel like I hardly knew what to ask for. I have always encouraged others to pray for God's will, because we know that is always best, but some how it was harder to utter those words when it pertained to "my" husband and "my" situation. But as "hard" as it was I asked God for "His will" to be done. Sometimes I couldn't even pray, my mind just raced all over the place. That is when the prayers of all of our friends and family carried me through. If people don't believe praying for others matter, I'm here to tell you, it absolutely helps and is essential.

    We're praying for you, Steve. Loved hearing your beautiful and faithful thoughts as you travel these rough waters.

    All our love,
    Renee and Rod Martin

    ReplyDelete
  4. Grandma Pat FarringtonJuly 7, 2020 at 9:10 PM


    Wow. It’s late but I needed to stay awake to catch up on how you are doing. Such a journey. I trust God in your healing and day by day dealing with all that’s happening in you and around you. Stay strong. God has this!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tim and Patty NicholsJuly 8, 2020 at 8:09 AM

    Your continued walk through this greatly difficult thing is evidence of your connection to Abba, and as always, you encourage all of us as you allow us inside. You are a gift, a blessing, and a consistently forward thinking, student of life in Christ. You are loved! Thanks for sharing. We stand with you in prayer.

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownJuly 13, 2020 at 5:24 AM

    I've just spent some time this morning catching up on your journey's blog, Steve. I've spent a lot of time over the past several weeks thinking about my Friend and mentor as you've been walking down a path that's only dimly lit, and have leaned in so deeply on your faith in your creator to be your guide.
    I think often of the hundreds of people you've likely come along side and walked beside as they've gone through similar situations in their lives. How you've brought comfort and hope to people in the midst of struggle and storms in their lives. Never taking credit for yourself..... But, always pointing to the God you serve as the one who can bring true comfort, peace, and hope for their future.
    I'm incredibly happy for you and Harriet that you've had the opportunity to spend time together as a family with Jenny and Kim! How sweet is that!
    So, my Friend. Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and, more importantly, our prayers as you travel this journey. Understand what a deep impact you've had on our lives as we've witnessed your faithfulness to the mission you were called to. And, know how deeply we appreciate your honest, heart felt words of both finding joy and dealing with the real struggles, both physical and spiritual as you navigate your way through an unfamiliar landscape.
    We love you and your family, Steve! And we pray for God's healing, restoration, comfort and grace as you heal.

    ReplyDelete
  7. MbarnardJuly 13, 2020 at 8:07 PM

    Hi Steve, Thinking of you as I prepare to head back to Baxter! May the Lord grant you healing and strength for the recovery ahead. This verse has come to me several times in the past weeks and I pass it along to you for the encouragement it contains: “But He knows the way I take; When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10. Warmly, Mark Barnard

    ReplyDelete

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