(#5) Yesterday I rang the bell

Yesterday I got to ring the bell celebrating my final radiation treatment. I was surprised at my deep emotional response. Undressing for treatment, my mind was saying, “it’s just another one.” It was number 25 and the final, but no-big-deal, right? All I do is lay there and let the protons do their work, right? It’s easy (at least for me) to ignore the impact of all that’s happened – until a rush of emotions interrupted my demeanor causing me to wonder and contemplate this journey.

It’s been 3 months since this journey began. Life can sure shift quickly. Looking for an ulcer they found a tumor. Medical recommendation involved stepping away from work I loved but wouldn’t finish. Moving back from Baxter to our Owatonna home, put me 38 minutes from state of the art proton therapy. And I’ve lost track how many exam and treatment rooms I’ve seen. I had no idea how much this would control my time and my world. I’ve not wanted it to dominate my emotions or my spiritual journey, but the impact is significant. And truthfully – it needs to be, if I’m growing and becoming more what Jesus wants me to be. He’s gracious and good enough to rescue me from my own blindness and denial.

I have been so blessed to have my family here. Harriet has been so kind and helpful. There's never a good time for COVID, but it actually made possible for Kim and Jen to be here, make meals, take me to appointments and repeatedly speak encouragement and comfort. Jen, Jack and Audrey will fly home to CA today. The house will be quieter and emptier, but I've been so fortunate in the timing of all this. Glad also that Kim could be out of St Paul's social unrest and infection rate. It's been great for me! And thanks so much to all my praying friends. I need you.  Don't stop now.

This past week has been hard physically and they tell me to anticipate the same for this next week. Feeling frail, weak and nauseated. Every swallow is painful. Heartburn is often intense. Meds help only so much. I should start feeling better and start regaining strength for the major surgery that's coming Aug 11th. But I'm eager to start rebuilding strength and endurance.

In all of this, God has been so good to me. I think it was Cindy Halverson who first made me stop and reflect that when life is hard, God is still good. So true – that’s where I want to focus. 

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”  Lam 3:19-23


Comments

  1. AlisaJuly 14, 2020 at 7:52 PM

    I am thankful for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steve AndersonJuly 18, 2020 at 7:40 AM

      Thank You Alisa. Praying much for Lakewood these days.

      Delete
  2. Grandma Pat FarringtonJuly 15, 2020 at 6:51 AM

    I feel so blessed to have you in my life. Today is my birthday. And I’m remembering how great it was to see you last year at my big 75th party. We don’t know about tomorrow but we do know God is in it and He has it planned. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️

    ReplyDelete
  3. momtynerJuly 18, 2020 at 5:22 AM

    I am continuing to pray for you and for Harriet! The journey can be arduous, like the refiners fire yet we are never left alone! Our Father keeps us in the palm of His hand to remind us it is His strength that carries us and not our own! I am looking forward to hearing all that God is teaching you during this time! Throughout history the most profound revelations and lessons have come through suffering. May you find the blessings in every moment! You are loved! Hugs!
    Linda Tyner

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steve AndersonJuly 18, 2020 at 7:43 AM

      Thank you Linda. I won't forget "the most profound revelations and lessons have come through suffering."

      Delete
  4. Mary Kay BobergJuly 18, 2020 at 8:05 PM

    Oh Steve, how enriching it is to hear you testify to the surpassing worth of Jesus! Thank you for leaning into his great love and mercy during this time. We know this is so hard and we love you, brother.
    When we first heard about your cancer, my heart broke. I said, “Lord, I’m not finished learning from this man!” As I read your blog I see this is true. God is teaching all of us through you, now more than ever. Lifting you up to Him,
    Mary Kay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steve AndersonJuly 19, 2020 at 4:26 AM

      Thank you, my sister. Your thoughts encourage and comfort me today.

      Delete
  5. Mjdelong45July 21, 2020 at 9:23 AM

    I just found out Sunday about your blog. I am so happy for you that you rang the bell. I can't begin to know what you are going thru I just pray everyday for you and Harriet that God will see you thru it all after all he is the great physician. I am happy that you like your pray quilt if you didn't know each and every one of the ties were prayed on for you. MAY GOD BLESS YOU BOTH

    MaryJane. DeLong

    ReplyDelete

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