(#17) Past Time for an Update

Have you ever watched a 3 year-old who has both hands full of sweets trying and struggling to pick up just one more? There are dynamics in my life that seem a lot like that right now. I’m struggling to let go of several of life’s enjoyments in order to grasp a deeper, more intense relationship and go deeper with Jesus. What’s been happening might seem cruel, had God not let me see the 3 year-old. Let me explain.

I’ve received so many blessings in my life, that I now need space and capacity for what God intends for me now.

Had a great time at Bethel University Homecoming.
I'm told the banquet food was excellent 

Those who know me well also know that I’m somewhat of a foodie. I have loved the adventure of new flavors and exotic tastes. My daughters have often heard from me as I heard from my dad, “Try it. You might like it.” And usually I do. But chemo therapy has robbed me of a whole set of flavors. Nothing tastes right and even long favorites now have a bitter edge. My revised digestive system means I must eat small, and eat often which should be a gift to a foodie. But the taste of food and drink are mealtime disappointments.

Where's (Waldo) Steve?  Bethel Choir 1968

Some of you also know that I’m an active, analytical music listener. I started college intending to be a music teacher and have years of learning what and how to listen to melodies, harmonies, styles, tones, lyrics and meters. If there is music playing – even in an elevator – I’m listening, focused and loving it. But several months back while changing wheels on my bicycle, an innertube burst inches from my face. My hearing went dull and has not returned. My medical team thinks chemo is preventing healing that might have occurred, but higher tones are just missing – or worse - I hear overtones instead of the primary notes and a lot of gorgeous harmony has turned into frustrating discord.

Those are 2 of several of life’s enjoyments that right now, I just have to lay aside.

Have I been robbed? I’m sometimes tempted to think so. Or is it possible that God is helping me shift my attention? Do I need to lay some things down – so that I can pick others up? Could it be that I need to lay down things with temporary earthly value in order to gather in things of eternal duration and importance. 1 John 2:15 says “Do not love the world, or the things that are in the world.” I know that the context is about lower desires and sinful attitudes but could it include too intense an interest in good things too? Music and food are among God’s good gifts. But is it possible they’ve been distractive and that one of God’s grace gifts involves removing them so that I will focus more fully on Him? 

The metaphor of the 3 year old with hands too full to grab for better was quickly impactful. But Jesus actually revealed a better, fuller metaphor. John 15 – He told us that God (like a vine dresser) prunes the non-essential to make us more fruitful and useful for His glory. Not comfortable – but he never promised “comfortable.”  He promised that he would keep working with us until we are fully completed in a way that brings Him glory.

So how is treatment going?  Well the good-news is that chemo is effective against my particular cancer – reducing and shrinking it. The not-so-good news is that my body is not tolerating the chemicals well. Blood counts taken a day ahead of treatments are often too low, which delays treatment for a week and perhaps also requires reducing the dosage. My treatment schedule went from every two weeks to every three weeks. This past week (which would have been 3 weeks) was delayed till next week (the 4th week) again because of low blood counts. So that’s my prayer request; that my body would tolerate the treatments and that the schedule we are on would continue to diminish the cancer. God knows what He’s doing and He’s in charge of even my medical staff. He’s eager to hear our prayers and I’m thankful to know that you are praying for me during this challenging time..