The Cancer Journey

I don’t know how to write this update. But it should start with... this little guy helps me stay sane   THANK YOU FOR PRAYING!!! God does love it when we pray.  He loves to hear our needs and our concern for others. He is more faithful to answer than we are to ask. THANK YOU FOR PRAYING FOR ME!! So last week involved several tests. Blood test before chemo. CT scans after chemo. And an Echocardiogram along the way. I didn’t feel great on Sunday and Monday – and had kind of steeled myself for a not-so-good Oncology visit yesterday. We were in the exam room for only a brief few moments before Dr Hanna came in and said, “Could you use some good news?” I said, “I’m always up for good news.” He said, “Your scans look wonderful - amazing in fact. I think we’d call this a miracle. The nodules in your lungs have all disappeared, except for only one that hasn't grown and hasn't shrunk. But we don’t even know if that one is cancer.” Allina Hospital attached onto the Mayo Clinic. Scans at...

Have you ever watched a 3 year-old who has both hands full of sweets trying and struggling to pick up just one more? There are dynamics in my life that seem a lot like that right now. I’m struggling to let go of several of life’s enjoyments in order to grasp a deeper, more intense relationship and go deeper with Jesus. What’s been happening might seem cruel, had God not let me see the 3 year-old. Let me explain. I’ve received so many blessings in my life, that I now need space and capacity for what God intends for me now. Had a great time at Bethel University Homecoming. I'm told the banquet food was excellent  Those who know me well also know that I’m somewhat of a foodie. I have loved the adventure of new flavors and exotic tastes. My daughters have often heard from me as I heard from my dad, “Try it. You might like it.” And usually I do. But chemo therapy has robbed me of a whole set of flavors. Nothing tastes right and even long favorites now have a bitter edge. My revised ...

I haven’t experienced despair, discouragement or depression much at all so far in the cancer journey. But last Sunday and Monday, I must have been difficult to even be around. It took a serious inner look for me to figure me out. In anticipation of my CT scan last Monday, I asked friends with a unique ministry of prayer and healing to meet with me and pray with me. It was a beautiful experience of praying through and anticipating how God might wish to glorify His own name through my struggle. I believe God can and does miraculously heal (not in every situation and there’s mystery around that). But we do need to ask Him. James 4:2c / Matt 7:7 / Psalm 50:15 (Thanks to all of you who ask God on my behalf – keep it up, please).  Our Zoom Prayer Time was so encouraging, but like so many of my high moments with Jesus, they are often followed by spiritual attack as satan seeks to steal away faith and cause me to doubt God. I’ve seen that pattern many times. How strange to not spot it th...

  My Grandpa Cook Some experiences stick in the memory and significantly shape your future. The year was 1981 and my dad had just suffered a major heart attack while away from home at meetings in St Paul.  I was there at Midway Hospital when my grandpa (Mom’s dad) came to see him. We stepped out into the hallway as they prepared to leave when my grandpa turned to me and said, “Stevie, your dad doesn’t look very good. But, you know, either you or I could go before him. Are you ready?” I love both of my soft-spoken grandpas for their sweet no-nonsense boldness. I had graduated Seminary and was pastoring a church in Southern Minnesota by then. But that, including the fact that I was a relatively good guy, couldn’t purchase any ticket for heaven. I’m a sinner like everyone, and my only hope for eternal life is to trust that Jesus’ death on the cross was to rescue sinners like me and to give my life to follow Him. A few years later my grandpa did die first; then my Dad; and I’m s...

We've been in this cancer journey now for a full year. Yep - it feels like it. Strange how it converged with COVID and social isolation. So what's happening now? CT exams after my esophagectomy revealed small nodules in my lungs that unfortunately spread and multiplied over the months. Though we were hoping they were only a virus, the biopsy in April revealed more cancer of the type that was had been in my esophagus. With that discovery, my Oncology team shifted their treatment objective from “curative” to “palliative,” which means that it’s likely I won’t beat this disease. Now God doesn’t get approval from the doctors and He can do whatever His plan includes. I intend to keep holding on to this physical life until God does call me home - though I hold it loosely. So please keep praying for my healing. His plan may involve bringing me home into eternity and if so - I'm OK with that. Like one of my dear friends used to say in her sweet Swedish minimalist way, “God can heal....

Many years ago now, I gave my life to the Lord, believing and knowing that His plans for me were far better than anything I could ever dream up for myself. The adventure since and continuing is amazing and wonderful. It doesn’t mean there haven’t been rough patches or disappointments. There have been episodes I haven’t and still don’t understand. I guess I’m in one of those now. Yesterday, I was in Rochester again for appointments at Mayo; blood work, CT scans plus follow-ups with Thoracic Surgery and Oncology. They were particularly evaluating nodules that appeared in my lungs at my initial post surgery follow-ups. I know many of you have been praying for me. Thank you. So here’s the discovery. The 2 small nodules identified in January have grown slightly from 2 or 3 millimeters to 5 millimeters. And they now identify about 8 nodules in my lower lungs. So the next stage is a CT guided biopsy on May 6 to determine if they are cancerous. That will give them evidence to develop a treatme...

  Yesterday morning, before we headed to Mayo, my devotions included Psalm 126:3   “The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with JOY .”   I hope you know how important your JOY is to the Lord.   In fact Jesus said, John 15:11 that the things He told us were so that His JOY would be within us and that our JOY would be full and overflowing. What a great way to launch a wonderful day!   They removed my feeding tube yesterday and it felt like such a victory and step back toward health. So I’ve had a feeding tube since my surgery, Aug 11. The surgery removed my esophagus and resized my stomach significantly smaller. Initially all nourishment and medication went through that plastic tube into my abdomen/small intestine. Slowly we weaned off of the tube as I was able to take nourishment by mouth and learn a new pace of eating – smaller meals 6 to 7 times daily – and spacing fluids rightly in between. I’ll spare you further details, but the tube had t...